Divorce is an unpleasant reality. It hurts everyone involved. A study out of the University of Cincinnati in August 2012 found that men are more likely than women to turn to drink after divorce. For the women, their economic state is typically worse than men’s after divorce. Meanwhile, the children of parents who get a divorce are twice as likely to drop out of school and less likely to attend college than children from unbroken homes. There’s no doubt that divorce is ugly, and divorce attorneys are as concerned as you should be about making things go as quickly as possible while causing the least amount of suffering. The longer things run, the worse it is for everyone, so if you are sure your marriage can’t be saved (and you should make sure, first), here are five things divorce lawyers wish you knew about what they can do and how they can help you best.
- They really need to know everything. The last thing you should do is hide anything from divorce lawyers. If you don’t tell them the truth, you make it hard for them to do their job. If they ask you questions, its because they believe it’s relevant to the divorce process. If the first time they find out that you not only had an affair but were actually giving money to the other person is when the other side’s divorce attorney asks you about this in court, you’ve just made the job a thousand times harder for your own divorce lawyer.
- Nothing is worth dragging out just on principle. If you tell divorce lawyers you’re fighting for any particular thing simply on principle, expect them to tell you exactly how wrong you are. If it’s child custody, it’s worth fighting for. If it’s your livelihood, it’s worth fighting for. If it’s the dog, it still might be worth fighting for, depending on how much you love the animal; but if it’s a $30 trinket you bought together on vacation, divorce lawyers want you to know that it’s going to cost you hundreds of dollars to argue about. It’s much better to let this go.
- Divorce is now largely no-fault. What this means is that it really doesn’t matter if your husband or wife had an affair. You don’t have to prove that there was any adultery, and even if you do your spouse will not be punished, even though they have broken your heart and their wedding vows. You may feel that you want to punish the person to “stole” your spouse, but divorce lawyers know there’s no good to be had from hanging on to this attitude and will try to help you move past it.
- Money does matter. It really doesn’t matter if your spouse is having an affair: unless they were giving money to the other party. When you take someone to court to settle your divorce, the only question the court is interested in is how to divide the financial assets. The fact that your spouse is a cheater doesn’t have anything to do with financial assets and how they get split up. However, if they were spending money that other person, then your lawyer cares, and so will the court.
- Divorce lawyers don’t care about your emotions. This doesn’t mean they’re callous; it just means that they’re interested in helping you get through this process without going bankrupt. Lawyers can give you divorce advice; therapists are the ones who can give you emotional advice and support. Divorce lawyers are not equipped to help you with your emotions, and they’re concerned about not wasting your money. The more time you spend talking to your emotions with your lawyer, the more money you lose. Call a therapist to work through your issues, and talk to your divorce lawyer about how to get through the legal aspects of your divorce.
Divorce is rough, but your lawyers are there to make the process is as easy as it can be for you. Take their advice.
